Laughter like song

Sometimes when I hear

myself laugh

Its like I'm hearing your laugh

that used to mix with mine

I miss that sound

It was like a song

It brings me back 

for a moment

to that sweet place 

To that deep place

of friendship 

of knowing and safety

of heart to heart

Do you still think of me?

Do you ever hear me

when you laugh?

Do you still laugh 

the same way?

Has life given you

many reasons

to smile and 

to laugh

I hope so because 

Your laugh is like song

A song I'll never forget

I WILL NOT FORGET

Spring beckons me 

Seedlings break the winter

The rains are welcomed

The night was so long 

You held me close 

You carried me 

When I couldn’t even crawl 

On my death bed

You breathed your breath into me 

Your mouth to mouth life 

Kept me breathing 

I will never forget your kisses of kindness in the depths of darkness 

Now I know you 

Now you know me 

You’re my morning star 

My light in the deep dark 

That promises the dawn 

Now I see the first light of sunrise 

But I will never forget this dark night 

When the fires of grief threatened my bare body 

When the waters tried to drown me 

When it was just you and I 

Intimately entwined 

Secluded in intimate suffering love 

The oil of myrrh drenched my soul every hour 

And you never left me 

Now my heart sings a soft love song 

To awaken this dawn 

I feel the morning dew on my bare feet 

As we walk together into the garden 

Look! the seedlings are here

They have arrived

I know what’s coming and I’m grateful 

But I will never forget your mercy in the depth of darkness 

The way you held me 

In the dead of the winter night

The Eternal Bridge

All the tree stars have fallen 

But Gods freckles still shine for us 

Just look up and you’ll see them 
Together with the northern lights 

Still shining and dancing just for you 

I know you love to run free 

In fields of Passionflowers 

I love it when you’re fearless 

And laugh in my favorite melody 

Don’t be afraid sister 

It’s all gonna be okay 

I know you’re hurting too 

I can still feel you 

Some really beautiful moments you’ve had

Adventuring into unknowns and the new 

I’m proud of you

Here take these sunflowers 

Let them bring you joy 

Take my heart again 

She never left you

She never will 

I remember it all

All the magic beauty and joy 

I remember songs we loved 

Dances we danced 

Countries who greeted us 
Poetry and paintings

The nights under weighted blankets 

And France 

Oh I remember the pain and knives too 

And the deepest wound of my life that broke my heart 
And even broke my unbreakable spirit 

but

Don’t cry for me 

I’ll see you again 

On the other side of the eternal bridge 

We couldn’t get there from here 

I know we fought so hard 

We did our best 

We both did our best 

Eternity waits for us 

Is it wrong I wanna go there soon ...

I will greet you when you arrive 

I'll run to you 
Through fields of strawberries and passion flowers 
Under a sky of n orthern lights and Gods freckles

Tree stars will circle and dance around us as we embrace
And heaven will see tears of joy that day 

Jesus will kiss our faces

And welcome us back to our home 

I’ll show you my garden 
That used to hold a beautiful tree that was burned down 

But now there’s a foot bridge and a sparkling river and a tiny sailboat that holds my memories of you

We will stand there together on that bridge 
Fully Whole and fully loved and fully known
In infinite reconciliation 
With covenant redemption 
Where weapons of war are no longer
Where there is no more struggle, wounding or illness

Where fear cannot separate us and shame will have no voice 

Where our spirits will understand it all

And love will NEVER fail us
Let heaven come

I saw God

I saw God in the slums yesterday
He was just a small little boy
I tickled him til he laughed and cried then flew away
and we were filled with so much joy

I saw God on her knees yesterday
Tears ran down she was overcome
I shared my food with her family
and I was the one who was left undone

I've been looking looking looking for Him
and I have found Him time and again

I saw God in the slums yesterday
He was a crippled man with a bachelor's degree
He said can you help me find a job
But I gave him what I had and he found eternity

I saw God in my house yesterday
She was just a small little girl
Broken body and a broken heart
and I took her I took her into my arms
As she cried love came down
When I looked at her again she was wearing a crown

I've been looking looking looking for Him
and I found have Him time and again

I saw God in the village yesterday
She was a woman who couldn't speak or hear
We prayed a prayer of faith and decided to believe
We wept as she spoke for the first time in 20 years

I've been looking looking looking for Him
and I found have Him time and again

House

I'm an empty house 

All my doors are closed 

I've only had a few visitors 

But no one ever called me home 

You call me to open the windows 

Let the sunshine come inside 

Feel the breeze blowing on my skin 

Oh how I love the light 

And for you all the doors have been opened 

So come in and have some wine 

We can dance in the kitchen 

Travel down to the basement of my mind 

I'll get lost in your eyes by the fire 

You unlock hidden places with your gaze 

Chase me up the stairs like a child  

In the bedroom of my heart always 

My Constant

When shadows shift and sand gives way 

When change comes in a hurricane 

When a layer is ripped torn off my heart 

It seems I've lost yet another part 

When I'm left with an empty nest 

And nothing seems to give me rest 

Solitude comes with her deafening screams  

No The world is not as it should be 

You're my constant my steady hand 

My hero in this foreign land 

You're the only One who really understands 

Always there to listen to every stand 

When debris is slashed through the stormy winds 

And darkness becomes a hidden friend 

The world swirls in whirls and twirls 

Still you are my surprising end 

A silent stillness in the chaotic race 

A cave within lit by candles and grace 

Peace sings her song in this secret place 

And I lean in to the strength of your face 

My anchor through the wave upon wave 

My forever rock my steady always 

Fire

Fire fire I'm on fire 

Pieces pieces I'm in pieces 

Scattered like a firework 

On the Fourth of July 

You always break in 

With your silence 

Or with your words 

I cannot stop 

These white water rapids 

From gushing 

I cannot lock my heart 

The dam is broken 

Fire fire I'm on fire 

Pieces pieces I'm in pieces 

Shooting like a meteor shower 

I am out of my skin 

A Cold Winter

It’s winter and I’m cold

alone out here in snow

frostbitten hands and feat

a heart that barely beats

my eyes just want to sleep

and now Im in so deep

I walk this snowy path

and try not to look back

Spring never came this year

now I find myself here

to weak to make a fire

just drowning in desire

oh for a taste of sun

feel the heat of someone

so safe in love but dear

Spring never came this year

Mountains so far away

remind me of a day

of the sun in her glory

shining down upon me

I danced in the day light

but now I dream at night

Please come to my rescue

Build me a fire that’s true

Will I ever find my way home

Will I ever feel that touch that warmth

Will the sun ever shine again for me

Or will I just sleep here forever in this white and snowy dream

I’ll cling to you

I’ll cling to you

I’ll cling to you

I’ll cling to you

cause you’re my fire

in the winter cold....

Spring never came this year

now I find myself here

You are my fire

You are my desire

You are my taste of sun

You’re my heat my someone

so safe in love my dear even though

Spring never came this year

Dare to Desire

And I feel it beating in my chest

like fire like a storm

Impossible to ignore

God wreck this life

Tear it all down

Make it new

I don’t want to hear it

I try to drown out the sound

of the rhythm and blues

of me 

coming to life

waking the dead inside

and you

there

you are drawing it out of me

unknowingly

The drums of passion

The dare to desire

The nerve to believe

its possible

The Cliff of Hope

Standing at the edge 

of the cliff of hope

A voice says to turn around

shrink back into safety

My heart is teetering

threatening to fall

daring and longing to jump

The next season naturally

should be summer

blooms and light 

but winter’s whisper

is taunting me

She flaunts 

her dark colors of fear

but the winters have always 

been good to me

even in the depths of her despair and death

So I’ll stand in hope here on this edge

knowing if I fly or stay earthbound

it will all be life to my blood

How I long for the summer

Her beauty and smile

her laughter and praise

her songs of delight

Oh let the sun rise

but if the winter comes again

let my song still sing

Let the bottom of my soul

still smile

and I will wait in patience

knowing summer is bound to come

at least I  hope

If winter is peering around the corner

let me store the sunshine

in my pocket

let me photograph

optimism and truth

lest I drown in the cold

dark pale death of her

and forget the spring

But Spring always comes doesn't it

and Summer loves to follow her

Elusive summer 

how you love to hide

how do I find you

Let me trust the tides of life

that you will come again

That you will grace me again

that I will feel the glory of you

through my being

in the bottom of my soul

Once again or maybe for the first time

Now I try to look to the sunshine

in my pocket

at the truth I carved in my heart

and wait on the cliff of hope

for tomorrow

I carry them

I carry him in my heart 

The lame man 

Crippled by life and disease

A mind as sharp as a knife  

Embers of potential 

Snuffed out by life 

A bachelor degreed beggar 

Finding home in Jesus 

Fighting for his freedom

I carry him in my heart 

I carry him in my heart

The boy who loves to kayak 

Whose father broke every promise 

Abandoned and angry 

He fights the rapids of life

With rebellion and sinful living 

I called him son 

I called him home 

But he just keeps running 

I carry him in my heart 

I carry him in my heart 

Seven years old and alone 

With four little sisters to feed

A scared of the dark provider 

He becomes hard and strong 

He fights and he begs and he bleeds

He should be playing childish games 

But he grew up too fast

Now he's eleven and they call him Dad

I carry him in my heart 

I carry him in my heart 

The man who cannot speak

His words stay inside his stomach 

He swallows them everyday 

The man who cannot hear 

The news that will set him free 

We sign our names 

 He beams with the delight of connection 

We lay hands and believe

But walk away without answers  

I carry him in my heart 

I carry them in my heart 

Children I've called my own 

Brought into this broken world 

With dreams and destiny 

Life tried to drown them 

But a Lifeguard came 

And I break to see them 

Walking in their fullness 

Made whole by a perfect love

That knows how to heal the deepest darkest wounds 

I carry them in my heart. 

I carry them in my heart 

The ones I loved who betrayed me 

Who have lost who they are

In the cruelty of this world

Full of lies and tricks 

They think will protect them 

Unaware that they have a father 

Who will never let them down 

Love rain down your mercy 

I carry them in my heart 

My heart is full and sometimes broken 

But everyday I just believe 

I believe in a love thats called unfailing 

That washes wounds and heals the hurting 

Let my hands and let my feet carry mercy 

So deep and so wide 

And ill carry them in my heart until

I see the Kingdom breaking light 

To love again

Who was she? I don't even know her anymore
Lying crying broken on the bathroom floor
She was stuck inside
A prison cell of tired and dirty lies

She said I'm gonna break free
Nothing and no one will ever have a hold on me
Ill be like a fighter wise strong and ready
I'm gonna break free

But God I hope she learns to love again
Let time take the fear and hope make her heart mend
To be loving but wise forgiving but crowned
Soft but strong with her feet on the ground
God I hope she learns to love again

He beat her up every single day
Tears were her drink
she was a bird in a cage
Her song faded away
Until the day when everything changed


She said I'm gonna break free
Nothing and no one will ever have a hold on me
Ill be like a fighter wise strong and ready 
I'm gonna break free

But God I hope she learns to love again 
Let time take the fear and hope make her heart mend
To be loving but wise forgiving but crowned 
Soft but strong with her feet on the ground 
God I hope she learns to love again

Life and love can knock us down
But don't lock down your heart or drowned out the sound
Of the truth that's been calling out to you
You're beautiful you're beautiful.  

But God I hope I learn to love again 
Let time take the fear and hope make my heart mend
To be loving but wise forgiving but crowned 
Soft but strong with my feet on the ground 
God I hope I learn to love again

White Flag

Pieces of me
Running from you
Trying to drown out your voice
I was fighting to go

In the opposite direction
Than the planet was spinning

I thought I'd die if I lost him
Holding on for dear life
So afraid of falling

We all fall down sometimes
But we can get back up again
I fell so hard and fast
Crashed and burned
And landed flat on my back
Don't wanna do that again
Maybe next time ill listen

You sent out a search light
And it landed on me
Found me almost dead in the darkness
You rescued me from
My final breath
I was limp in your arms
Your tears washed over me
Brought me my healing
I started to
Put one put in front of the other


We all fall down sometimes 
But we can get back up again 
I fell so hard and fast 
Crashed and burned 
And landed flat on my back
But you helped me get back up again 
Help me next time to listen

I was holding onto dear life for dear life
I buried myself in the arms of the One who made me 
And I'm stronger and I'm stronger 

So let a white flag be my banner 
Cause God knows I surrender
 So let a white flag be my banner 
Cause God knows I surrender
So let a white flag be my banner 
Cause God knows I surrender
So let a white flag be my banner 
Cause God knows I surrender

This is My Song

I tried to run away from you
It was all I knew to do
I was scared of getting hurt again
I was afraid of falling down
But you are the one that I love
You are the song in my heart
so I will sing and tell of my love
I will shout it out to the heavens up above
to the end of the world
This is my song

I will sing it
I will sing it
I will sing it
this is my song
I will sing it
I will sing it
to the end of the world
this is my song

God gave you to me
A gift so pure and free
So I will cherish with all that I have
I will grow and I will stand
on my own in the world
This is my song

I will sing it

I will sing it

I will sing it

this is my song

I will sing it

I will sing it

to the end of the world

this is my song

*SHINE*

I've been a shrinking violet
Hiding beneath the covers of my fears
I've been a pale wallflower
waiting for someone to ask me to dance
I've been holding out for the perfect moment
when the pieces come together
No more doubt no more hesitation
It is now or never to

Shine Shine
Shine Shine
in Glory like the sun

A butterfly must shed her cocoon
before she is free to fly
and I'm breaking out
of all that's held me locked inside
Oh how we burn the daylight we're given
as if we'll live forever
It's time to put aside our fears
and let the glory arise and

Shine Shine
Shine Shine
in Glory like the sun

You are the light of the world (like a city on a hill)
So let your light be seen by men (like a city on a hill)
Don't you know you're a child of the Most High
This starving world is in need of your light So

Shine Shine
Shine Shine
in Glory like the sun

Shine Shine 

Shine Shine

in Glory like the sun

Always

I know sometimes we feel so
Far away far away
But know always I am so
Close to you close to you
And I'm always thinking of you
I've always got you on my mind
I'm always thinking of you
I've always got you on my mind

Even if the sky falls
And the earth gives way
You'll be safe inside my heart always
Never will I ever leave you

Even if the stars fall down
You'll be safe in my arms
You'll be safe in my heart always


Don't cry tonight ill sing you a 
Lullaby lullaby 
Ill ask the moon to shine for you up
In the sky in the sky
And I'm always thinking of you
I've always got you on my mind
I'm always thinking of you

I've always got you on my mind


Even if the sky falls 
And the earth gives way
You'll be safe inside my heart always 
Never will I ever leave you
Even if the stars fall down 
You'll be safe in my arms
You'll be safe in my heart 

So make your home in my arms

Come live inside my heart 

Always

 

You Haikus.

You are over there
So far away from this place
But you feel so near

You can be my bed
Wrap me up in heavens kiss
Lay me down at night

You are so stubborn
Why can't you see more clearly
I won't spell it out

You kill me without
Using any real weapon
Except your silence

HOME.

HOME.

I've been craving something familiar
Old friends and eyes that I know
something familiar
Laughter I understand
Friendship that never fades
Old places and familiar streets
where the heartbeats match my heartbeat

So let it come like a wine
made from an orchard you own
like a romance that'll never fail
cause its homegrown
yeah I've been wanting
something to call my own
I think I'm just looking for home

We've known each other
a time or two before
But years passed and something's changed
Now I feel so safe and secure
You give me so much peace
You bring such hope to me
that all my dreams may finally become
a beautiful reality

So let it come like a wine 

made from an orchard you own

like a romance that'll never fail

cause its homegrown

yeah I've been wanting 

something to call my own

I think maybe I've found my home

Ive finally come back to where I belong

You are a sweet song that goes on and on and on

Sometimes you have to travel so far and so wide

before you finally realize

you're home

So let it come like a wine 

made from an orchard you own

like a romance that'll never fail

cause its homegrown

yeah I've been wanting 

something to call my own

I know I have finally found my home

Deepest Parts of Me

I so love that place where it's just the two of us and the world disappears and we go deep down into the waters, into the secret place.  We always dance on top of the ocean right on the waves...lately I just go as I am...  more so than ever before ...with the rawest honesty I have.  I trust him.  He won't reject me.  He won't stop loving me.  He always knows what to say.  He loves to take away my pain when I'm brave enough to let Him.  He loves to show me that His love and His power is bigger than my fear. I love His eyes and His face.  I want to let Him in to every corner every dark place where He can shine His light and bring healing and I always find Him and see Him in a greater way in those places.  Holy is our God.  So I wrote this song today as I was just worshipping Him.  

Deepest Parts

I don't have to hide 

I don't even want to try 

Anymore 

No more masks to cover me

Here I am in bare skin and free 

Cause You see through to the deepest parts of me 

You see through to places I can't even see 

Here I am again

Ready to let You in

Come into my heart 

And all the darkest parts of me, of me 

Cause you see through to the deepest parts of me 

You can see all the places I cannot see

Flowers and perfume fill every place 

When you come into every empty space yeah

And you call me beautiful

And you call me lovely 

And you call me and you call me and you call me 

You see through to the deepest parts of me 

You can see all the things I cannot see 

Flowers and perfume fill every place 

When you come into every empty space yeah

And you call me beautiful

And you call me lovely 

And you call me and you call me and you call me

I come running to you 

in the deepest darkest rooms  

And there I find you I find you I find you 

Holy holy holy

Worthy worthy worthy

And I find you and I find you and I find you.  

For the broken hearts

There are moments in life when the pain seems almost unbearable when you are so broken you are barely breathing. When its hard to get out of bed or to sleep or to eat or to just function normally.  I'm writing this song for people experiencing those moments.  Though it can be any loss tragedy or trial I specifically had in mind women who have experienced the death of their husband or divorce or a severe breakup.  Losing someone you love after a deep relationship can be the most painful moments in life but we really do come out on the other side and the pain does subside and we do heal and live and breathe and laugh freely again in time.  Though I don't know how people get through it without God.  He is truly our grace and our help in time of need.  

This song isn't finished but I wanted to post it anyway.  

I see your heart there in a million pieces

I've been there before too

When all your hopes And all your dreams

Come crashing down around you 

You've never felt pain like this

And now you're questioning all his promises

You're gonna have to fight Like you've never fought before

But you're gonna win Cause he's fighting for you even more

You're gonna make it through this

There is a light on the other side of the night

You're gonna make it through this

Right now he's holding you so tight

So don't give up and don't give in

You're gonna make it through

Right now it feels like the pain will never end 

But that is just a lie

Even now your heart is on the mend

It really will all be better in time

Even the memories will fade

And light will break forth with a brand new day

You will have joy you will laugh again

You will lift your hands and give thanks for what is and what has been

You're gonna make it through this

There is a light on the other side of the night

You're gonna make it through this

Right now he's holding you so tight

So don't give up and don't give in

You're gonna make it through